went blog hopping juz nw,until i saw this story. Read b4 liaos d i swear,but idk y the tears juz kip rolling down when i re-read it...sibehs touching d stry...
It's a cold February night. People are bustling through the streets, either pulling up their coat collars or wrapping scarves around their necks, trying to stay warm.
It's so cold today.I'm standing at my window, looking at the people moving like little dots. Standing in a heated room, I'm beginning to pity those people. Why don't they go home? Do they plan on wandering until morning?
"Almost time to go home! My boyfriend must be going crazy." One of the nurses breathe a sign of relief. "Still needs to work overtime on Valentine's Day. It's so unfair!"
"You are fortunate." Another nurse says. "Some people don't have anyone waiting for them."
"You mean Dr. Shu?" Like Sherlock Holmes, my ears perk up when I hear my name. "Do you remember how she lost control on this day last year?" "Of course I do." A nurse shudders. "I've never seen Dr. Shu like that. Crying and yelling, like she was crazy." They are talking about how I was last year. They are correct. I was out of control, like they said. "You can't blame Dr. Shu. If my boyfriend died in front of my eyes, I would probably go crazy as well." "Keep it down. She hasn't left work yet. She might hear you." The two nurses are too late. I heard the entire conversation through the canvas wall. "Dr. Shu, what are you doing standing here?"
Just as I was deciding whether or not to reveal myself, another nurse exposed me. I awkwardly step out. The 2 nurses who discussed me start to blush. Their faces became redder than the bow on Valentine's Day chocolates.
"I'm waiting to go home." I pretend that I didn't hear anything. "Dr. Shu, you must have gotten too involved in your work. It's already past time to go home. See you tomorrow. Happy Valentine's Day!" She waves goodbye.
"Happy Valentine's Day." I wave back and watch the 2 nurses hurry away.
That's fine. I was ready to go home anyway. Even though no lover is waiting for me, at least there's a lazy cat waiting for me to feed.
After I come home, the first thing I do is feed the cat. I forgot when I first had the cat. Probably since last year's Valentine's Day. At that time, I was like an abandoned cat, with eyes filled with despair. Cats don't cry, I do. That's the only difference.
"Better drink all the milk or I'll skin you." I threatened the cat. Her name is Christine, my least favorite English name. I don't know why I named the cat Christine. Christine meowed once to let me know she heard me, but her eyes are complaining about my severity. Her eyes remind me of someone I used to know, standing in front of me with eyes of rebellions.
An year ago today, I had lunch with my boyfriend and took the opportunity to complain to him.
"Today is Valentine's Day. Why didn't you give me any flowers?"
He raised his eyebrow. "Why should I give you flowers? You are not my anyone."
"Then... you should at least give me a card!" I pouted my lips, hurt by his tone.
"I know, I know. After lunch, I'll send you an e-card."
E-card. That sounds so impersonal, but that's the way he is. "You have to e-mail it to me. I'll be waiting." I excitedly smiled and planned to sneak home after lunch to check e-mail. Even though he wouldn't use any romantic words, I still looked forward to the card.
"I can't stand you women. Why do you make such a big deal out of Valentine's Day??" He grumbled while eating his food. His comment induced me to fight with him again.
"You are not romantic at all!! Don't you watch any Japanese drama?"
"Japanese drama? I only watch Discovery Channel."
"Your life is so boring." I made a face at him. "One recent drama was really good. You should have watched it."
"What's that drama called?" He didn't believe in the love portrayed in TV and movies. He always thought they were lies.
"It's called 'Story of A Century'." I gladly answered.
"What kind of trashy plot did it have?"
"What do you mean trash?? Show some respect!" I was so angry. "That drama was very touching, and the theme song was beautiful as well. It's called 'Only Love', performed by Nana Mouskouri." I wonder if he knew who Nana was.
"Nana, I know her. A Greek singer with really expensive albums."
"Her voice is worth it." Even though I secretly agreed with him, I couldn't bring myself to admit it.
"Whatever." He glanced at his watch. "I'll give you 5 minutes to tell me the plot. After that, I'm leaving."
I tried hard to explain 6 hours worth of story in just 5 minutes. The drama portrayed the love stories of 3 generations of women spanning 100 years, from 1901 to 2000. Each generation was portrayed by the same actress. The story was tear-jerking.
"What's so touching about it?" He asked, after listening to the story.
"Don't you think each generation's story is wonderful? If I have such great screen writing ability, I wouldn't be a doctor anymore. I would become a screenwriter."
"If you become a screenwriter, I bet no one would watch the show. The TV station can go out of business." He quickly interjected.
"I'm going back to work. Hurry and send me the card!" I was so mad that I went home immediately, not even finishing my coffee.
As soon as I walked in my door, I turned on my computer and go online.
Staring at the empty in-box, I began to reminisce about how we met. Maybe no one will believe me, but my boyfriend and I were actually neighbors. Our homes were only 1 wall away. Ever since we were kids, we liked to fight with each other all day long. I still remember when I moved to the country that year. Used to the city life, I couldn't get used to the simple life in the country. After school, I would just go home and do nothing. Whenever that happened, he would always come over to tease me.
"Why are you staring off into space??" He loved to pull on my hair. "You're so ugly when you're doing nothing. But you're also not pretty when you smile." In other words, I'm really ugly.
"You're the one who's ugly!" I pull back my hair. "If you think I'm so ugly, why do you visit me??"
"Can't help it. My home is right next to your home." He argued.
"Then I'll move!" The next day, I drew a line in the ground using some white chalk. A line that I forbid him to cross.
That year, we were both in the 5th grade. We couldn't stand each other and hoped the other would move away. But 5 years passed, and neither of us moved. Not only that, we got into the same high school and into the same class.
"You're that infamous couple." All the students and teachers in the school would say whenever they saw us.
"We're not!" I always tried to explain. "We're only neighbors." At that time, I hated my parents for making us live next to him. "My standard is not that low." He would say. "Who wants her to be a girlfriend?? It's not like I don't have eyes."
"Yes, I know your eyes are on top of your head." I really disliked him. "Better than having eyes on the bottom of my head like you." He implied that I couldn't judge guys. At that time, I had a crush on a senior.
I didn't think that his sarcasm had a hidden meaning. After a while, I found out that the senior student had lots of girlfriends. When I cried about it, he silently passed me a handkerchief and awkwardly held me in his arms.
"I told you he wasn't any good." He roughly comforted me. I cried in his arms the whole night, and began to see him in a different way. Things began to change between us. We still fought all the time, but he started to look at me differently. And I blushed and my heart beat faster when he was near. We both knew: we fell in love with each other.
Even with this knowledge, neither of us said anything. Even though we would not be able to resist and kissed each other constantly. Even though we cared about each other's every moves. Both of us refused to admit our love.
Time flew by quickly, and it was time to face separation. I chose to study medicine, and he chose physics (eew.). Yet we still couldn't separate from each other. Our parents worried that we didn't know anyone in Taipei, so they forced us to live in the same apartment building. Once again, we became neighbors. We still fought, but sometimes we fought into the bedroom. Alright, we became lovers, but we still wouldn't say we loved each other. We didn't even spend Valentine's Day together until he saw me share dinner with a man one Valentine's Day. That night, he waited for me in front of my door and said that he would take me out to dinner on Valentine's Day from then on. I have to say that he was very arrogant. But I nodded and accepted his request. Since then, we spent every Valentine's Day together. After graduation, I became an intern. He started a small computer company (thought he strudied physics? o.0 ) with some friends and became a programmer. We were busy with our own lives and had no time for a relationship. Three years later, I became a doctor, and his business began to boom. We separately moved to bigger apartments and stopped being neighbors. On the surface, we left each other. In reality, we were still together. We spent every Valentine's Day together but each year became more dreary than the next because he never told me he loved me even with all my hints.
Facing the empty in-box, I suddenly grew very angry. He wouldn't say it and wouldn't send me a card. What did he mean? Who did he think I was? I called his cell phone.
"Hello." He picked up the phone.
"I didn't receive the card." I immediately showed my displeasure.
"You didn't receive it?" He seemed really busy. "But I sent it."
He was really busy but I didn't care. "I didn't receive it. Send it again."
"Okay, I'll send you 100 times. Is that good enough??" He said with impatience. His tone further infuriated me. Is that how lovers speak to each other?
"Don't bother sending it to me. And you don't have to pick me up tonight.
I'll eat dinner by myself."
"Don't be childish, OK? I'm really busy."
"I AM childish!" I hung up the phone and tears rolled down my cheeks.
Childish?? Why didn't he consider the situation? We've gone out for so many years and spent countless Valentine's Day together. I never received any flowers nor cards from him. Now, I just want a little e-card. Is that too much to ask for??
I unplugged the phone from the wall and turned off my cell phone. I didn't want to hear his explanations. After I returned to the hospital, I instructed the receptionist not to forward me any phone calls. I wanted to concentrate on work.
Because there were so many emergencies today, I was sweating 1 hour later and forgot about our argument.
"Dr. Shu, please take a look at that patient."
As I was collecting my equipment, the shrill sound of an ambulance sounded outside the ER. When I stepped out the door, the emergency medics hurriedly wheeled in a gurney.
"What happened to him?" I asked the 1st medic. Everyone else were trying to help put the patient on the gurney. He was covered with blood.
"Car accident." The medic replied. "Very serious. He may die."
I nodded and ran to the operating room with them. When I arrived, the nurses told me that the man had already stopped breathing and also his heartbeat also stopped
"Prepare for shock." I calmly instructed the nurses. Saving people is our duty. We can't lose our calm.
But when I saw who laid on the operating table, I lost my calm. That person was my boyfriend!
"No..." I stood in shock. "NO!!!" I grabbed the paddles and continuously shocked his body. His body bounced up and down from the shocks. The scared nurses went to find another doctor, to tell him that I was crazy.
I didn't know if I was crazy or not. I just wanted to save my lover. Even though we fought all the time. Even though he never showed me his love. I still wanted to save him. He still owed me a card. He couldn't die! I threw away the paddles and began to press on his heart. I pressed with all my strength, hoping it would revive him, but he didn't wake up. He didn't even say "It hurts". He just laid there with his eyes closed, punishing me with his silence.
Dr. Jian angrily pushed me away. By that time, I couldn't see clearly anymore. I cried. I wailed. I bowled until no sounds could come out of my mouth.
"It's too late, Dr. Shu. He's already dead. I'm sorry." Dr. Jian patted me on the shoulder. They knew each other and ate together once. I introduced them.
"He can't die." I shook my head. "He can't die!!" I struggled to run to him.
"Dr. Shu, control yourself!" Dr. Jian slapped me. "I understand what you're going through, but you're a doctor."
Yes, I'm a doctor, but I'm also a regular person. How can Dr. Jian understand how I feel? I've loved him for so many years that it's become a habit. How can I just throw away a habit? Besides, he still owed me a card. "I want him to live! I want him to live!" I ran to him again and tried to knock the life back into his body.
"Take her away!" That day, I lost my control and my professionalism.
And that day happened to be Valentine's Day.
Afterwards, I asked his co-workers why he left work early that day.
They told me that after I hung up the phone, he tried to call me several times but couldn't reach me. Worried, he drove to the hospital to find me and got hit by a large truck on the way.
When I heard this, I froze. My tantrum killed him. Just because of an unmailed card, he died. After that, I lost my privilege to be childish.
Like an abandoned cat, I couldn't even cry anymore. After his death, I couldn't cry anymore, regardless of how touching the plot or how tear-jerking the dialogue. They didn't affect me anymore.
Now, I'm only left with a cat and a seldomly used computer. Stepping over the cat, I turned on the computer. Even though I know no one will send me a mail, I still hoped that someone will remember me on this day.
Meow, meow. I looked at Christine to see what's wrong. She finished her milk. I went into the kitchen to get her more milk then came back to look at the computer screen.
I have.... 100 emails! Who would be bored enough to send me 100 junk mail?
I was just about to delete them all when I received another mail, and this one said: "Because of system error, we could not send these until today.
We apologize for the delay." The sender was my ISP.
I looked at the 1st mail. It showed the send date is last year's Valentine's Day. My heart began to beat fast. Could he have sent these?
With a trembling hand, I opened the mail. The first thing that popped up was a gorgeous red rose set against green leaves. Then a beautiful melody began to play.... "Only Love". I couldn't believe it. The rose was so beautiful and the music was so dreamy. I almost thought I was in a fantasy. Most touching of all were the words underneath the rose, because the words read like a beautiful poem.
"Hwei."
That's my name.
"Knowing you so many years, I've never sent you any flowers. Today I send you a rose."
I received it and it's so beautiful.
"You know we are always fighting. We can never really open our hearts and tell each other how we feel."
Yes, but it's all your fault for being so distant.
"I know I always make you mad by the things I say."
Good that you're admitting it.
"But today I want to say to you: I'm sorry, and I love you."
I waited so many years for those words.
"And I want to tell you a good news. I finally saved enough money."
You already have enough money. Why did you need so much?
"So Hwei, let's get married!! I was afraid to propose to you, because I didn't trust in my ability to give you the good life you deserve. But now I've saved enough money so we don't have to wait anymore."
Who wanted you to wait? I'm already yours. "Today, I use this card to propose to you. Will you marry me, Hwei? Will you?"
That's the content of the whole card. Like a fool, I kept reading his words and talking to him. It's like I can hear his voice and see him again.
As if it's back to 1 year ago with us constantly fighting.
The song played over and over. Repeating Nana's heartbreaking voice.
Only love can make a memory. Only love can make a moment last. You were there and all the world was young and all it's songs unsung. and I remember you then when love was all, all you were living for, and how you gave that love to me...."
The lyrics of this song fits our love so closely. When he was alive, my world was so young. Every day, I could find a something different to fight with him about. But after he left, my life is only left with memories and coldness that will never go away.
"Will you marry me?"
When I read these words, my tears unconsciously came, wetting the keyboard.
Will I? If he's in front of me, I will definitely kick him and call him a big fool. If I wasn't willing, I wouldn't have waited until today.
So I moved the cursor over the "Reply" box, and typed the response that I've already prepared for so many years - "I will."
I will - be by his side for the rest of my life. I will - fight with him forever. That is how I answered him, but the only response I got was the repeating song "Only Love."
Nevertheless, I opened every single letter, accepted every singled rose, and typed the same response: "I will."
I replied 100 times, and "Only Love" played 100 times. In this cold Valentine's night, the line that's been broken for 1 year finally got reconnected.
I answered you. What about you?
T.T
Cherish and treasure what you have, for you might regret ultimately in the future.
time realli flies...it has been almost one week since the official end of our O's levels..wad hav i done for the past week leiis?
first thing after the chemistry paper: collected xiaoshuos from auntie geraldine..kekex...big bag too,her office rly cool,im treated as if im VIP by everyone thr d @_@
next,packed my bag and left for ah yi hse :D it was intended to b a 3 day stay to relax myself but now? im still at ah yi hse lor -.-'' read finished my supply of xiaoshuo i brought le..still gt a big bag waiting for me at home..*thinks of home n comfy bed* o well XD here gt air con <3
jiu jiu had tumor in his intestine so ah yi went hospital everyday to take care of him until the operation..@_@ thus,i became the maid/nanny of the hse T_T suck a poor thing when i brought my cuzzie to east coast for her cca outing..one word: TORTURE. then blahs blahs life goes on until mummy n meimei came lor
hahas,then ehhs...monday? went bugis wth wc,eugene,lok shing & ren to buy ren n wc d prom clothes..@__@ i learnt one thing: guys cn shop as long as girls too XD! bought delicious cream puffs on the way back to hougang..10..shared wth ah yi they all XD!o ya, lok shing asked if we wanna go c d meteor shower too!
nxt day,met wth the guys at chinese garden mrt station at 8+pm..was late duh..came frm hougang leiis! anws, the event was interesting n meaningful..thr was a briefing on constellations n jh learnt alot.. E.G: the 3 stars in a str line we usualli c is called the orion,altho i alwaes thot it represented the milky way lawls. now then i noe milky way is the galaxy we belonged in =.= then some musician played violin,video..the most epic is the chemistry show..i swear he IS a mad scientist..he made explosions,handled liquid nitrogen n oxygen w/o gloves,n the explosion is HUGE! meteor shower hor..v pek cek,clouds covered the sky...luckily,all of us get to c at least one! i saw 4!!! v nice,but everyone forgot to make a wish,as we were busy screaming when we saw one. ._.
as for today,i hav a GOOD piece of news: JH IS EMPLOYED.
hahas,received a call frm june n wendii ytd,asking if i was interested in doing a job for ToastBox. we r suppose to conduct survey to customers thr @_@ no confidence i cn do well though XD but the salary is...OMG~ today saw june i lietralli stood rooted to the ground for at least a minute. i mean,i knew she permed her hair when wc told me ytd but when i c it,SHOCKED. i thot glen brought another girl out sia xia si ren lor XD
tmr prom le,no excitement..probably bcos i still can't get my shoes =/ jiejie kip claiming she v wei da,cos she take half day no pay leave for me tmr. some more papa decided to sponsor me $50 more so she's gonna bring me to IMM to shop for shoes tmr..hope wun b late ba @_@
anws,i will b working at the ToastBox outlet at CWP(thnx to wendii d tyconess n june d suayness?XD) wth wendii from 20 Nov to 30Nov, from 12.30 to 7.30 daily..so wun b free :D
hmm...of cos some unhappy things happened too..hahas..but i learnt sth frm thosr things too..lyk for exmaple,i learnt dat relationships r lyk energy,they cnt b destroyed,but cn b chnged frm one form to another. lawls.
okok,today type alot...too long bo touch comp i guess..GRATS SY FOR HAVING A BLOG LE :D anything dunno ask me ba XD
hahas...ytd went to watch 2012...y leiis? i shall show off lok shing awhile XD..it all started when facebook had this application...ppl muz build their own ship n recruit ppl into their ships..by the end of 2 wks? idk.. top 10 captains hu has most number of ppl on their ships wins 50 tickets to the movie preview at The Cathay at Dhoby Ghaut wakaka...guess wad? lok shing won 50 tickets! cool lor...rly cool! cos last time din believe this kind of competition online rly cn win d xD
anws so i went..we were suppose to meet at 5.50 i think..but me,wendii wc n eugene met up earlier to shop at plaza singapura ohohos~ of course,dat last 2 person was forced to duh~ n we rly did shop d whole of the plaza...the top floor alot toy shop v cool d! then thruout laughing all d way wth wendii tokin abt everything xD sometimes turn arnd c the guys d tong ku faces...awww too bad XD but eugene still managed to buy sth he lyk too lor...faster thank me !! wc oso bought some biscuit wth eugene @_@ childish XD
then met up..we had the theatre to ourself i think...each 50 ppl i theatre i presume..damn cool...we were first few to enter theatre 4 so we took the bak seats immediately..guess wad? they were cpl seats! hahas,sat wth wendii..abit sad lor~but o well~ can't force him cn i -.-''
hmm the movie ar..funni la,was predicting wads goin to happen all e way wth wc n wendii..lawls..predictable plot..totalli made in USA..d graphics were gd,but d way the guys escape abit too kua zhang...=.= making sarcasm remarks all d way XD total 3 stars out of 5 ba! wendii said one of d actor is singaporean lai d...nt bad sia! i couldn't tell! cos he was tokin in tibet language? @_@
anws,dat was d first time i went for a sneaks preview..meaning: i was one of the first few to watch it first in singapore before it came out today! wakaka...security sibehs tight..hp has to b kept wth d staff n thr was someone at d back of d theatre taking note whether someone is recording anot ><
yada yada yada..then went home...run to mrt station to catch last train cos the movie lasted 157 mins..toot lor..nearly miss last train -.- then papa called,scold me sae i neve watch movie go hm so late b4 d..LOLs sia! i go fren hse 1am go home he bo complain,go watch movie he wan butt in =.= but in d end of cos he wun lock his most kawaii d nu er outside la! XD
sighz~ o lvls r finalli almost over =D gratz to everyone taking them~wooohooo,past two weeks kip telling myself tahan for 2 more weeks,n i finalli did it!
since last yr kip thinking after o's i wanna do alot alot of stuff..so i wrote them all down so i cn 慢慢 scratch them away after i finish them ohoho~
first thing i did after bio paper 2 ytd, chiong home for my detective conan! <333 wahahaha always loved detective show esp those detective + romance d lor xDD then after dat log into msn (which is sth i haven't done in ages) n chatted wth wc..dat baka guy kip distracting me from finding a proper blogskin...but anws, after dat 一边 tok 一边 find he 一边 suggest n whoala~ i gt my blogskin :DD
THNX WC!!! . . . . . . . . . ...my ass xD he wan me thank him d...so BHB xDD~ jkjk...thanks lar..
rly alot of things to do...from now on,jh promises herself she will be exercising at least thrice a week...muz get rid of d excess fats i got frm d chocolates i've been eating while studying...d amount of chocolate is..trust me,WHOA.
yada yada yada...life goes on as normal..gettin nervous abt sth too...sighz~hope all ends well by the end of the year ba =D
holidays le..1/3 of d homework done xD jh,for d first time in her life, ever felt so accomplished..
my prelims turned out to b one mark lesser than i expected..oh goodie xD cos my chemistry was B4 instead of C5..but of course,felt abit emo cos my physics was suppose to b better than my other 2 science n yet i flunked it -.-''
teachers' day celebrations..hmm..met up wth a few primary sch frens..they definitely chnged alot..esp boys,all grow so tall..*jh draws circle on d floor* n of course,girls r becomin more chio too! saw fatin(primary 5 best pal) she still same height sia xD so cute <33 note: she's shorter even than wendii by alot ._.''
after goin bak to visit ms oh,we headed to d usual bball court n as usual,guys played bball wth yihui while d girls sat n tok..din gossip lor so sian..:( instead we were tokin abt studies,which showed dat we rly chnged ALOT! of course,relationships were strengthened by d tokin n we r plannin another gatherin nxt wk :DD LUNCH WTH MS OH WOOHOO!
d past yr..hmm..if i muz do self reflection hor,i think alot has been gain,but alot has been lost as well...frenships,studies..alot has happened n it is important now dat we all sort out which is d most impt to settle first (obviousli o lvl lor) before we solve our other problems..one thing dat remained though,:D,was dat im still hangin on d thread..i thought abt it,its hard n difficult but im gonna survive till after O's to c whether or not he's gonna save me xD
nites guys! happy bdae to rui xian n pou ing in advancement :D signin off~
shall update then -_- if nt ppl complain dead blog again..(u noe hu u r baka~)
firstly,my feelings towards prelims..
BEFORE: hmm,hopefully get achievable grades? pls let me pass all of them..
DURING: oh dear...this paper die le..that paper also die le...AIYA CHAM LE LA T.T..
AFTER: oooo...although deprove, but at least not d L1R5 20 of whati expected ._.
well, here r my results..
ENGLISH : B3 (i think) E-Maths: A1 (wootz!) A-maths: C5 (god i nida buck up on this) Humans: C5 (cha yi dian jiu B4..1 mark leiis! cause i fail my history paper =P) Biology: B3 (whoa..chua tio lorhs) Chemistry: C5 (mcq results was not wad i expected..v depressed..) Physics: dun say la..v cham jiu dui le -.-
total L1R5? well,if i add in my chinese is 18 lor :D but at least d prelims gave ma an estimation on which subject i need to jiayous on ba..jyjy everyone! zettai daijoubu daiyo! <33
When you have to look away When you dont have much to say Thats when I love you I love you, just that way To hear you stumble when you speak Or see you walk with two left feet Thats when I love you I love you, endlessly And when your mad cuz you lost a game Forget Im waiting in the rain Baby i love you, I love you anyway Heres my promise made tonight You can count "on" me for life Thats when i love you When nothing you do can change my mind The more I learn, The more I love The more my heart cant get enough Thats when I love you, no matter what So when you turn to hide your eyes Cause the movie it made you cry Thats when I love you I love you a little more each time And when you cant quite match your clothes Or when you laugh at your own jokes Thats when I love you I love you, more than youll know And when you forget that we had a date Or that look that you get when you show up late Baby I love you, I love you anyway Heres my promise made tonight You can count "on" me for life Thats when i love you When nothing you do can change my mind The more I learn, The more I love The more my heart cant get enough Thats when I love you, When I love you no matter what Thats when I love you When nothing baby Nothing you do could change my mind The more I learn, The more I love The more my heart cant get enough Thats when I love you, When I love you no matter what No matter what
went blog hopping juz nw,until i saw this story. Read b4 liaos d i swear,but idk y the tears juz kip rolling down when i re-read it...sibehs touching d stry...
It's a cold February night. People are bustling through the streets, either pulling up their coat collars or wrapping scarves around their necks, trying to stay warm.
It's so cold today.I'm standing at my window, looking at the people moving like little dots. Standing in a heated room, I'm beginning to pity those people. Why don't they go home? Do they plan on wandering until morning?
"Almost time to go home! My boyfriend must be going crazy." One of the nurses breathe a sign of relief. "Still needs to work overtime on Valentine's Day. It's so unfair!"
"You are fortunate." Another nurse says. "Some people don't have anyone waiting for them."
"You mean Dr. Shu?" Like Sherlock Holmes, my ears perk up when I hear my name. "Do you remember how she lost control on this day last year?" "Of course I do." A nurse shudders. "I've never seen Dr. Shu like that. Crying and yelling, like she was crazy." They are talking about how I was last year. They are correct. I was out of control, like they said. "You can't blame Dr. Shu. If my boyfriend died in front of my eyes, I would probably go crazy as well." "Keep it down. She hasn't left work yet. She might hear you." The two nurses are too late. I heard the entire conversation through the canvas wall. "Dr. Shu, what are you doing standing here?"
Just as I was deciding whether or not to reveal myself, another nurse exposed me. I awkwardly step out. The 2 nurses who discussed me start to blush. Their faces became redder than the bow on Valentine's Day chocolates.
"I'm waiting to go home." I pretend that I didn't hear anything. "Dr. Shu, you must have gotten too involved in your work. It's already past time to go home. See you tomorrow. Happy Valentine's Day!" She waves goodbye.
"Happy Valentine's Day." I wave back and watch the 2 nurses hurry away.
That's fine. I was ready to go home anyway. Even though no lover is waiting for me, at least there's a lazy cat waiting for me to feed.
After I come home, the first thing I do is feed the cat. I forgot when I first had the cat. Probably since last year's Valentine's Day. At that time, I was like an abandoned cat, with eyes filled with despair. Cats don't cry, I do. That's the only difference.
"Better drink all the milk or I'll skin you." I threatened the cat. Her name is Christine, my least favorite English name. I don't know why I named the cat Christine. Christine meowed once to let me know she heard me, but her eyes are complaining about my severity. Her eyes remind me of someone I used to know, standing in front of me with eyes of rebellions.
An year ago today, I had lunch with my boyfriend and took the opportunity to complain to him.
"Today is Valentine's Day. Why didn't you give me any flowers?"
He raised his eyebrow. "Why should I give you flowers? You are not my anyone."
"Then... you should at least give me a card!" I pouted my lips, hurt by his tone.
"I know, I know. After lunch, I'll send you an e-card."
E-card. That sounds so impersonal, but that's the way he is. "You have to e-mail it to me. I'll be waiting." I excitedly smiled and planned to sneak home after lunch to check e-mail. Even though he wouldn't use any romantic words, I still looked forward to the card.
"I can't stand you women. Why do you make such a big deal out of Valentine's Day??" He grumbled while eating his food. His comment induced me to fight with him again.
"You are not romantic at all!! Don't you watch any Japanese drama?"
"Japanese drama? I only watch Discovery Channel."
"Your life is so boring." I made a face at him. "One recent drama was really good. You should have watched it."
"What's that drama called?" He didn't believe in the love portrayed in TV and movies. He always thought they were lies.
"It's called 'Story of A Century'." I gladly answered.
"What kind of trashy plot did it have?"
"What do you mean trash?? Show some respect!" I was so angry. "That drama was very touching, and the theme song was beautiful as well. It's called 'Only Love', performed by Nana Mouskouri." I wonder if he knew who Nana was.
"Nana, I know her. A Greek singer with really expensive albums."
"Her voice is worth it." Even though I secretly agreed with him, I couldn't bring myself to admit it.
"Whatever." He glanced at his watch. "I'll give you 5 minutes to tell me the plot. After that, I'm leaving."
I tried hard to explain 6 hours worth of story in just 5 minutes. The drama portrayed the love stories of 3 generations of women spanning 100 years, from 1901 to 2000. Each generation was portrayed by the same actress. The story was tear-jerking.
"What's so touching about it?" He asked, after listening to the story.
"Don't you think each generation's story is wonderful? If I have such great screen writing ability, I wouldn't be a doctor anymore. I would become a screenwriter."
"If you become a screenwriter, I bet no one would watch the show. The TV station can go out of business." He quickly interjected.
"I'm going back to work. Hurry and send me the card!" I was so mad that I went home immediately, not even finishing my coffee.
As soon as I walked in my door, I turned on my computer and go online.
Staring at the empty in-box, I began to reminisce about how we met. Maybe no one will believe me, but my boyfriend and I were actually neighbors. Our homes were only 1 wall away. Ever since we were kids, we liked to fight with each other all day long. I still remember when I moved to the country that year. Used to the city life, I couldn't get used to the simple life in the country. After school, I would just go home and do nothing. Whenever that happened, he would always come over to tease me.
"Why are you staring off into space??" He loved to pull on my hair. "You're so ugly when you're doing nothing. But you're also not pretty when you smile." In other words, I'm really ugly.
"You're the one who's ugly!" I pull back my hair. "If you think I'm so ugly, why do you visit me??"
"Can't help it. My home is right next to your home." He argued.
"Then I'll move!" The next day, I drew a line in the ground using some white chalk. A line that I forbid him to cross.
That year, we were both in the 5th grade. We couldn't stand each other and hoped the other would move away. But 5 years passed, and neither of us moved. Not only that, we got into the same high school and into the same class.
"You're that infamous couple." All the students and teachers in the school would say whenever they saw us.
"We're not!" I always tried to explain. "We're only neighbors." At that time, I hated my parents for making us live next to him. "My standard is not that low." He would say. "Who wants her to be a girlfriend?? It's not like I don't have eyes."
"Yes, I know your eyes are on top of your head." I really disliked him. "Better than having eyes on the bottom of my head like you." He implied that I couldn't judge guys. At that time, I had a crush on a senior.
I didn't think that his sarcasm had a hidden meaning. After a while, I found out that the senior student had lots of girlfriends. When I cried about it, he silently passed me a handkerchief and awkwardly held me in his arms.
"I told you he wasn't any good." He roughly comforted me. I cried in his arms the whole night, and began to see him in a different way. Things began to change between us. We still fought all the time, but he started to look at me differently. And I blushed and my heart beat faster when he was near. We both knew: we fell in love with each other.
Even with this knowledge, neither of us said anything. Even though we would not be able to resist and kissed each other constantly. Even though we cared about each other's every moves. Both of us refused to admit our love.
Time flew by quickly, and it was time to face separation. I chose to study medicine, and he chose physics (eew.). Yet we still couldn't separate from each other. Our parents worried that we didn't know anyone in Taipei, so they forced us to live in the same apartment building. Once again, we became neighbors. We still fought, but sometimes we fought into the bedroom. Alright, we became lovers, but we still wouldn't say we loved each other. We didn't even spend Valentine's Day together until he saw me share dinner with a man one Valentine's Day. That night, he waited for me in front of my door and said that he would take me out to dinner on Valentine's Day from then on. I have to say that he was very arrogant. But I nodded and accepted his request. Since then, we spent every Valentine's Day together. After graduation, I became an intern. He started a small computer company (thought he strudied physics? o.0 ) with some friends and became a programmer. We were busy with our own lives and had no time for a relationship. Three years later, I became a doctor, and his business began to boom. We separately moved to bigger apartments and stopped being neighbors. On the surface, we left each other. In reality, we were still together. We spent every Valentine's Day together but each year became more dreary than the next because he never told me he loved me even with all my hints.
Facing the empty in-box, I suddenly grew very angry. He wouldn't say it and wouldn't send me a card. What did he mean? Who did he think I was? I called his cell phone.
"Hello." He picked up the phone.
"I didn't receive the card." I immediately showed my displeasure.
"You didn't receive it?" He seemed really busy. "But I sent it."
He was really busy but I didn't care. "I didn't receive it. Send it again."
"Okay, I'll send you 100 times. Is that good enough??" He said with impatience. His tone further infuriated me. Is that how lovers speak to each other?
"Don't bother sending it to me. And you don't have to pick me up tonight.
I'll eat dinner by myself."
"Don't be childish, OK? I'm really busy."
"I AM childish!" I hung up the phone and tears rolled down my cheeks.
Childish?? Why didn't he consider the situation? We've gone out for so many years and spent countless Valentine's Day together. I never received any flowers nor cards from him. Now, I just want a little e-card. Is that too much to ask for??
I unplugged the phone from the wall and turned off my cell phone. I didn't want to hear his explanations. After I returned to the hospital, I instructed the receptionist not to forward me any phone calls. I wanted to concentrate on work.
Because there were so many emergencies today, I was sweating 1 hour later and forgot about our argument.
"Dr. Shu, please take a look at that patient."
As I was collecting my equipment, the shrill sound of an ambulance sounded outside the ER. When I stepped out the door, the emergency medics hurriedly wheeled in a gurney.
"What happened to him?" I asked the 1st medic. Everyone else were trying to help put the patient on the gurney. He was covered with blood.
"Car accident." The medic replied. "Very serious. He may die."
I nodded and ran to the operating room with them. When I arrived, the nurses told me that the man had already stopped breathing and also his heartbeat also stopped
"Prepare for shock." I calmly instructed the nurses. Saving people is our duty. We can't lose our calm.
But when I saw who laid on the operating table, I lost my calm. That person was my boyfriend!
"No..." I stood in shock. "NO!!!" I grabbed the paddles and continuously shocked his body. His body bounced up and down from the shocks. The scared nurses went to find another doctor, to tell him that I was crazy.
I didn't know if I was crazy or not. I just wanted to save my lover. Even though we fought all the time. Even though he never showed me his love. I still wanted to save him. He still owed me a card. He couldn't die! I threw away the paddles and began to press on his heart. I pressed with all my strength, hoping it would revive him, but he didn't wake up. He didn't even say "It hurts". He just laid there with his eyes closed, punishing me with his silence.
Dr. Jian angrily pushed me away. By that time, I couldn't see clearly anymore. I cried. I wailed. I bowled until no sounds could come out of my mouth.
"It's too late, Dr. Shu. He's already dead. I'm sorry." Dr. Jian patted me on the shoulder. They knew each other and ate together once. I introduced them.
"He can't die." I shook my head. "He can't die!!" I struggled to run to him.
"Dr. Shu, control yourself!" Dr. Jian slapped me. "I understand what you're going through, but you're a doctor."
Yes, I'm a doctor, but I'm also a regular person. How can Dr. Jian understand how I feel? I've loved him for so many years that it's become a habit. How can I just throw away a habit? Besides, he still owed me a card. "I want him to live! I want him to live!" I ran to him again and tried to knock the life back into his body.
"Take her away!" That day, I lost my control and my professionalism.
And that day happened to be Valentine's Day.
Afterwards, I asked his co-workers why he left work early that day.
They told me that after I hung up the phone, he tried to call me several times but couldn't reach me. Worried, he drove to the hospital to find me and got hit by a large truck on the way.
When I heard this, I froze. My tantrum killed him. Just because of an unmailed card, he died. After that, I lost my privilege to be childish.
Like an abandoned cat, I couldn't even cry anymore. After his death, I couldn't cry anymore, regardless of how touching the plot or how tear-jerking the dialogue. They didn't affect me anymore.
Now, I'm only left with a cat and a seldomly used computer. Stepping over the cat, I turned on the computer. Even though I know no one will send me a mail, I still hoped that someone will remember me on this day.
Meow, meow. I looked at Christine to see what's wrong. She finished her milk. I went into the kitchen to get her more milk then came back to look at the computer screen.
I have.... 100 emails! Who would be bored enough to send me 100 junk mail?
I was just about to delete them all when I received another mail, and this one said: "Because of system error, we could not send these until today.
We apologize for the delay." The sender was my ISP.
I looked at the 1st mail. It showed the send date is last year's Valentine's Day. My heart began to beat fast. Could he have sent these?
With a trembling hand, I opened the mail. The first thing that popped up was a gorgeous red rose set against green leaves. Then a beautiful melody began to play.... "Only Love". I couldn't believe it. The rose was so beautiful and the music was so dreamy. I almost thought I was in a fantasy. Most touching of all were the words underneath the rose, because the words read like a beautiful poem.
"Hwei."
That's my name.
"Knowing you so many years, I've never sent you any flowers. Today I send you a rose."
I received it and it's so beautiful.
"You know we are always fighting. We can never really open our hearts and tell each other how we feel."
Yes, but it's all your fault for being so distant.
"I know I always make you mad by the things I say."
Good that you're admitting it.
"But today I want to say to you: I'm sorry, and I love you."
I waited so many years for those words.
"And I want to tell you a good news. I finally saved enough money."
You already have enough money. Why did you need so much?
"So Hwei, let's get married!! I was afraid to propose to you, because I didn't trust in my ability to give you the good life you deserve. But now I've saved enough money so we don't have to wait anymore."
Who wanted you to wait? I'm already yours. "Today, I use this card to propose to you. Will you marry me, Hwei? Will you?"
That's the content of the whole card. Like a fool, I kept reading his words and talking to him. It's like I can hear his voice and see him again.
As if it's back to 1 year ago with us constantly fighting.
The song played over and over. Repeating Nana's heartbreaking voice.
Only love can make a memory. Only love can make a moment last. You were there and all the world was young and all it's songs unsung. and I remember you then when love was all, all you were living for, and how you gave that love to me...."
The lyrics of this song fits our love so closely. When he was alive, my world was so young. Every day, I could find a something different to fight with him about. But after he left, my life is only left with memories and coldness that will never go away.
"Will you marry me?"
When I read these words, my tears unconsciously came, wetting the keyboard.
Will I? If he's in front of me, I will definitely kick him and call him a big fool. If I wasn't willing, I wouldn't have waited until today.
So I moved the cursor over the "Reply" box, and typed the response that I've already prepared for so many years - "I will."
I will - be by his side for the rest of my life. I will - fight with him forever. That is how I answered him, but the only response I got was the repeating song "Only Love."
Nevertheless, I opened every single letter, accepted every singled rose, and typed the same response: "I will."
I replied 100 times, and "Only Love" played 100 times. In this cold Valentine's night, the line that's been broken for 1 year finally got reconnected.
I answered you. What about you?
T.T
Cherish and treasure what you have, for you might regret ultimately in the future.
time realli flies...it has been almost one week since the official end of our O's levels..wad hav i done for the past week leiis?
first thing after the chemistry paper: collected xiaoshuos from auntie geraldine..kekex...big bag too,her office rly cool,im treated as if im VIP by everyone thr d @_@
next,packed my bag and left for ah yi hse :D it was intended to b a 3 day stay to relax myself but now? im still at ah yi hse lor -.-'' read finished my supply of xiaoshuo i brought le..still gt a big bag waiting for me at home..*thinks of home n comfy bed* o well XD here gt air con <3
jiu jiu had tumor in his intestine so ah yi went hospital everyday to take care of him until the operation..@_@ thus,i became the maid/nanny of the hse T_T suck a poor thing when i brought my cuzzie to east coast for her cca outing..one word: TORTURE. then blahs blahs life goes on until mummy n meimei came lor
hahas,then ehhs...monday? went bugis wth wc,eugene,lok shing & ren to buy ren n wc d prom clothes..@__@ i learnt one thing: guys cn shop as long as girls too XD! bought delicious cream puffs on the way back to hougang..10..shared wth ah yi they all XD!o ya, lok shing asked if we wanna go c d meteor shower too!
nxt day,met wth the guys at chinese garden mrt station at 8+pm..was late duh..came frm hougang leiis! anws, the event was interesting n meaningful..thr was a briefing on constellations n jh learnt alot.. E.G: the 3 stars in a str line we usualli c is called the orion,altho i alwaes thot it represented the milky way lawls. now then i noe milky way is the galaxy we belonged in =.= then some musician played violin,video..the most epic is the chemistry show..i swear he IS a mad scientist..he made explosions,handled liquid nitrogen n oxygen w/o gloves,n the explosion is HUGE! meteor shower hor..v pek cek,clouds covered the sky...luckily,all of us get to c at least one! i saw 4!!! v nice,but everyone forgot to make a wish,as we were busy screaming when we saw one. ._.
as for today,i hav a GOOD piece of news: JH IS EMPLOYED.
hahas,received a call frm june n wendii ytd,asking if i was interested in doing a job for ToastBox. we r suppose to conduct survey to customers thr @_@ no confidence i cn do well though XD but the salary is...OMG~ today saw june i lietralli stood rooted to the ground for at least a minute. i mean,i knew she permed her hair when wc told me ytd but when i c it,SHOCKED. i thot glen brought another girl out sia xia si ren lor XD
tmr prom le,no excitement..probably bcos i still can't get my shoes =/ jiejie kip claiming she v wei da,cos she take half day no pay leave for me tmr. some more papa decided to sponsor me $50 more so she's gonna bring me to IMM to shop for shoes tmr..hope wun b late ba @_@
anws,i will b working at the ToastBox outlet at CWP(thnx to wendii d tyconess n june d suayness?XD) wth wendii from 20 Nov to 30Nov, from 12.30 to 7.30 daily..so wun b free :D
hmm...of cos some unhappy things happened too..hahas..but i learnt sth frm thosr things too..lyk for exmaple,i learnt dat relationships r lyk energy,they cnt b destroyed,but cn b chnged frm one form to another. lawls.
okok,today type alot...too long bo touch comp i guess..GRATS SY FOR HAVING A BLOG LE :D anything dunno ask me ba XD
hahas...ytd went to watch 2012...y leiis? i shall show off lok shing awhile XD..it all started when facebook had this application...ppl muz build their own ship n recruit ppl into their ships..by the end of 2 wks? idk.. top 10 captains hu has most number of ppl on their ships wins 50 tickets to the movie preview at The Cathay at Dhoby Ghaut wakaka...guess wad? lok shing won 50 tickets! cool lor...rly cool! cos last time din believe this kind of competition online rly cn win d xD
anws so i went..we were suppose to meet at 5.50 i think..but me,wendii wc n eugene met up earlier to shop at plaza singapura ohohos~ of course,dat last 2 person was forced to duh~ n we rly did shop d whole of the plaza...the top floor alot toy shop v cool d! then thruout laughing all d way wth wendii tokin abt everything xD sometimes turn arnd c the guys d tong ku faces...awww too bad XD but eugene still managed to buy sth he lyk too lor...faster thank me !! wc oso bought some biscuit wth eugene @_@ childish XD
then met up..we had the theatre to ourself i think...each 50 ppl i theatre i presume..damn cool...we were first few to enter theatre 4 so we took the bak seats immediately..guess wad? they were cpl seats! hahas,sat wth wendii..abit sad lor~but o well~ can't force him cn i -.-''
hmm the movie ar..funni la,was predicting wads goin to happen all e way wth wc n wendii..lawls..predictable plot..totalli made in USA..d graphics were gd,but d way the guys escape abit too kua zhang...=.= making sarcasm remarks all d way XD total 3 stars out of 5 ba! wendii said one of d actor is singaporean lai d...nt bad sia! i couldn't tell! cos he was tokin in tibet language? @_@
anws,dat was d first time i went for a sneaks preview..meaning: i was one of the first few to watch it first in singapore before it came out today! wakaka...security sibehs tight..hp has to b kept wth d staff n thr was someone at d back of d theatre taking note whether someone is recording anot ><
yada yada yada..then went home...run to mrt station to catch last train cos the movie lasted 157 mins..toot lor..nearly miss last train -.- then papa called,scold me sae i neve watch movie go hm so late b4 d..LOLs sia! i go fren hse 1am go home he bo complain,go watch movie he wan butt in =.= but in d end of cos he wun lock his most kawaii d nu er outside la! XD
sighz~ o lvls r finalli almost over =D gratz to everyone taking them~wooohooo,past two weeks kip telling myself tahan for 2 more weeks,n i finalli did it!
since last yr kip thinking after o's i wanna do alot alot of stuff..so i wrote them all down so i cn 慢慢 scratch them away after i finish them ohoho~
first thing i did after bio paper 2 ytd, chiong home for my detective conan! <333 wahahaha always loved detective show esp those detective + romance d lor xDD then after dat log into msn (which is sth i haven't done in ages) n chatted wth wc..dat baka guy kip distracting me from finding a proper blogskin...but anws, after dat 一边 tok 一边 find he 一边 suggest n whoala~ i gt my blogskin :DD
THNX WC!!! . . . . . . . . . ...my ass xD he wan me thank him d...so BHB xDD~ jkjk...thanks lar..
rly alot of things to do...from now on,jh promises herself she will be exercising at least thrice a week...muz get rid of d excess fats i got frm d chocolates i've been eating while studying...d amount of chocolate is..trust me,WHOA.
yada yada yada...life goes on as normal..gettin nervous abt sth too...sighz~hope all ends well by the end of the year ba =D
holidays le..1/3 of d homework done xD jh,for d first time in her life, ever felt so accomplished..
my prelims turned out to b one mark lesser than i expected..oh goodie xD cos my chemistry was B4 instead of C5..but of course,felt abit emo cos my physics was suppose to b better than my other 2 science n yet i flunked it -.-''
teachers' day celebrations..hmm..met up wth a few primary sch frens..they definitely chnged alot..esp boys,all grow so tall..*jh draws circle on d floor* n of course,girls r becomin more chio too! saw fatin(primary 5 best pal) she still same height sia xD so cute <33 note: she's shorter even than wendii by alot ._.''
after goin bak to visit ms oh,we headed to d usual bball court n as usual,guys played bball wth yihui while d girls sat n tok..din gossip lor so sian..:( instead we were tokin abt studies,which showed dat we rly chnged ALOT! of course,relationships were strengthened by d tokin n we r plannin another gatherin nxt wk :DD LUNCH WTH MS OH WOOHOO!
d past yr..hmm..if i muz do self reflection hor,i think alot has been gain,but alot has been lost as well...frenships,studies..alot has happened n it is important now dat we all sort out which is d most impt to settle first (obviousli o lvl lor) before we solve our other problems..one thing dat remained though,:D,was dat im still hangin on d thread..i thought abt it,its hard n difficult but im gonna survive till after O's to c whether or not he's gonna save me xD
nites guys! happy bdae to rui xian n pou ing in advancement :D signin off~
shall update then -_- if nt ppl complain dead blog again..(u noe hu u r baka~)
firstly,my feelings towards prelims..
BEFORE: hmm,hopefully get achievable grades? pls let me pass all of them..
DURING: oh dear...this paper die le..that paper also die le...AIYA CHAM LE LA T.T..
AFTER: oooo...although deprove, but at least not d L1R5 20 of whati expected ._.
well, here r my results..
ENGLISH : B3 (i think) E-Maths: A1 (wootz!) A-maths: C5 (god i nida buck up on this) Humans: C5 (cha yi dian jiu B4..1 mark leiis! cause i fail my history paper =P) Biology: B3 (whoa..chua tio lorhs) Chemistry: C5 (mcq results was not wad i expected..v depressed..) Physics: dun say la..v cham jiu dui le -.-
total L1R5? well,if i add in my chinese is 18 lor :D but at least d prelims gave ma an estimation on which subject i need to jiayous on ba..jyjy everyone! zettai daijoubu daiyo! <33
When you have to look away When you dont have much to say Thats when I love you I love you, just that way To hear you stumble when you speak Or see you walk with two left feet Thats when I love you I love you, endlessly And when your mad cuz you lost a game Forget Im waiting in the rain Baby i love you, I love you anyway Heres my promise made tonight You can count "on" me for life Thats when i love you When nothing you do can change my mind The more I learn, The more I love The more my heart cant get enough Thats when I love you, no matter what So when you turn to hide your eyes Cause the movie it made you cry Thats when I love you I love you a little more each time And when you cant quite match your clothes Or when you laugh at your own jokes Thats when I love you I love you, more than youll know And when you forget that we had a date Or that look that you get when you show up late Baby I love you, I love you anyway Heres my promise made tonight You can count "on" me for life Thats when i love you When nothing you do can change my mind The more I learn, The more I love The more my heart cant get enough Thats when I love you, When I love you no matter what Thats when I love you When nothing baby Nothing you do could change my mind The more I learn, The more I love The more my heart cant get enough Thats when I love you, When I love you no matter what No matter what
